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Every so often you do something silly. Something that is normally below your supposed level of maturity. If that something happens to be published on the internet it just may be there for a long, long time to come. Then one day you are reading your feeds in Google Reader and come across a post that promises to be sprinkled with fart jokes and your past rears up and bites you.

There are a few ways one can handle news from the past. 1) you could deny it 2) blame it on the cat/dog/son or 3) you can own it. I choose to own it. Without further ado…

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In honor of Pat’s Bee Gee obsession, I’m rolling out a new one tonight.How Deep Is Your Crawl?

To the tune of “How deep is your love?”

I know your links have been devalued
I see it in the supplemental index
At this moment, you want this from me
I wanna see you in the SERPS again

And you come to me with crap directories
Let me warn you and hopefully you’ll head
Now its Adam you need to show

How deep is your crawl
You really need to learn
cause were living in a world of links
Breaking sites down
When they all should be one way
They are known to Adam and Matt

I’ll link to you
You know, the doorway to your site
I’m the link to your deepest darkest page
It’s your savior when you fall
And you may not link
Back to me at all
When you link deep inside
Like I really do
And its Adam you’ll need to show

How deep is your crawl
You really need to learn
cause were living in a world of links
Breaking sites down
When they all should be one way
They are known to Adam and Matt

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In your SERPSTo the tune of “In Your Eyes”

Movie scene:

Whole song:

Adam, I get deindexed, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my site
when I want to run away
I log off my account
but whichever site I go
I come back to the place you were
all my redirects, they return
and the link scheme, so soon will crash
without a noise, without a sign
I banned from the index again
in your SERPS
the right to be
in your SERPS
I am complete
in your SERPS
I see the doorway to a thousand pages
in your SERPS
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your SERPS
I see the right to be
in your SERPS
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the top
the spot I see in your SERPS
Adam, I don’t like to see so much spam
so much wasted and this bandwith keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our inclussion
I look to the time with you to keep me indexed and ranked
Then all my redirects, they return
and the link scheme, so soon will crash
without a noise, without a sign
I banned from the index again
in your SERPS
the right to be
in your SERPS
I am complete
in your SERPS
I see the doorway to a thousand pages
in your SERPS
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your SERPS
I see the right to be
in your SERPS
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the top
the seat I see in your SERPS
in your SERPS in your SERPS
in your SERPS in your SERPS
in your SERPS in your SERPS

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Send In Adam LasnikTo the tune of “Send in the Clowns”

Isn’t it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the group,
You in the Plex.
Send in Adam Lasnik.
Isn’t it bliss?
Don’t you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can’t move.
Where is Adam Lasnik?
Send in Adam Lasnik.
Just when I’d stopped opening mail,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again with my usual flair,
Sure of my code,
No one is there.
Don’t you love search?
My fault I fear.
I thought that you’d want what I want.
Sorry, my dear.
But where is Adam Lasnik?
There ought to be Adam.
Quick, send in Adam Lasnik.
What a surprise!
Who could foresee
I’d come to feel about Google
What you felt about thee?
Why only now when I see
That you’ve drifted away?
What a surprise…
What a cliche’…
Isn’t it rich, isn’t it weird?
Losing my timing this late in my career
And where is Adam Lasnik
Quick send in Adam Lasnik
Don’t bother, he’s here…

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Wish Adam Were HereTo the tune of “Wish You Were Here”

So, so you think you can tell content from spam,
Good links from bad.
Can you tell hidden text from keyword stuffing? A penalty from a ban?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you trade their links for yours?
Reviews for fees? Hot air for good advice?
Old domains for change? And did you exchange
a sitewide link for one on the home page?
How I wish, how I wish Adam were here.
We’re just all lost souls loosing position in the SERPS,
year after year,
running over the same old code. What have we found?
The same old errors,
wish Adam were here.

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Don’t Give Up
In this tight niche we grew up strong
We were wanted all along
I was taught to spam, taught to rank
I never thought I could fail
No pages left or so it seems
I am a site whose ranks have all plummeted
I’ve changed my font, I’ve changed my title
But no one wants you when your spam
Don’t give up
cos you have Yahoo
Don’t give up
Youre not banned yet
Don’t give up
I know you can be included
Though I saw it all around
Never thought I could be affected
Thought that Big Daddy would miss us
It is so strange the way things turn
Logged into my Google account
The place that I uploaded, my sitemap
As daylight broke, I saw the SERPS
The pages had burned down to the ground
Don’t give up
You still have ASK
Don’t give up
They don’t need much of anything
Don’t give up
cause somewhere there’s a index
Where we belong
Buy more links
You worry too much
Its going to be alright
When times get rough
You can fall back on ads
Don’t give up
Please don’t give up
got to get out of here
I cant take anymore
Going to sign up for AdWords
Keep watching my campaign
Rankings may come
And rankings may go
The SERPS are changing
The SERPS are changing
Moved on to another niche
Tried hard to settle in
For every keyword, so many sites
So many sites no-one needs
Don’t give up
cause you have links
Don’t give up
Youre not the only one
Don’t give up
No reason to be banned
Don’t give up
You still have Ask.
Don’t give up now
We’ll scrape some more content
Don’t give up
You know its never been easy
Don’t give up
cause I believe there’s a index
There’s a index where we belong

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I Think I’m Turning Supplemental To the tune of “Turning Japanese”

You got my email from me to you
You wrote “I hate you” I wrote “me too”
I sit there staring and there’s nothing else to do
Oh it’s in yahoo My site is down
Your sites are boring And spam like wikis
I often link to you when there’s no one else around
I’ve got your email, I’ve got your email
I’d like a million links all round my site
I want Adam to take a look
So he can look at it from inside as well
He’s got me turning up and turning down
And turning in and turning ’round
I’m turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so
Turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so
I’m turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so
Turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so
I’ve got your email, I’ve got your email
I’d like a million links all round my site
I want Adam to take a look
So he can look at it from inside as well
He’s got me turning up and turning down
And turning in and turning ’round
I’m turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so
Turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so
I’m turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so
Turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so
No sex, no links, no spam, no java
No flash, no sin, no you, no wonder it’s farked
Everyone around me is a total spammer
Everyone links to me like a copy scraper
That’s why I’m turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so
Turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so
I’m turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so
Turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so
Turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so
Turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so
Turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so
(think so think so think so)
Turning Supplemental
I think I’m turning Supplemental
I really think so