7th January 2008

The man with no refrigerator

posted in humor |

-inspired by Billy, the boy with no body.

My name is John Honeck.

I am a very sober little man. My mother is typing this for me, because I can’t. She Is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I’m so sober. I live without a Google refrigerator. It doesn’t hurt, except when I try to drink warm beer.

I have an artificial refrigerator. It is bucket filled with lukewarm water. Its the best I could do on account of me having no money or large AdWords accounts.

I would like to have a real Google refrigerator, but I need more links to this web site, or this one, or is it this one? The soberness has made my head clear and I cannot even think straight. I can barely work because nobody designs websites while sober. I just looked down at my lukewarm bucket of water. I am sad again.

I hope you will help me. You can help me if you leave a comment or link to those websites, then write an email to everyone you know telling them to do the same. Forward it to people you don’t know, the too. Mr. Schwartz said that for every person you forward this email to, Larry Page will team up with Microsoft and send a referral to Dan Perry. With those referrals, Dan Perry will collect links from bloggers all over America.

Every time you forward this letter, Dan Perry can get more links and my dream will be closer to coming true. Please help me. I am so sad and and I want a Google refrigerator. I don’t want my beer to get warm before the super bowl.

If you don’t forward this email, that’s okay. It just means you’re a mean and heartless bastard who doesn’t care about a poor little man with only a lukewarm bucket for a refrigerator. If you don’t it will stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, hoping you die a long slow, horrible death and then burn forever in hell. All of your links will be nofollowed.

What kind of cruel person are you that you can’t take five freakin’ minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about Ignoring a poor, sober thirty-nine-year-old man? Please help me.

I try to be happy, but it’s hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could drink with a kitty. I wish I could drink with kitty that wouldn’t chew on me and try to pee in my lukewarm beer bucket. I wish that very much.

Thank You,

John “Shakes” Honeck


This entry was posted on Monday, January 7th, 2008 at 2:59 pm and is filed under humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. All comments are subject to my NoFollow policy. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

There are currently 7 responses to “The man with no refrigerator”

Why not let me know what you think by adding your own comment! All the cool kids are doing it.

  1. 1 MyAvatars 0.2 On January 8th, 2008, Ashok Kumar said:

    googling what else?
    :)

    I will win this refrigerator.

  2. 2 MyAvatars 0.2 On January 8th, 2008, Holly said:

    John, you can have a kitty and your sobriety - but the fridge is MINE! :)

    Good luck!

  3. 3 MyAvatars 0.2 On January 10th, 2008, Sebastian said:

    Awesome! I could not write a better / funnier begging letter. So bye bye cool Google fridge, John deserves you.

  4. 4 MyAvatars 0.2 On January 10th, 2008, John Honeck "JLH" said:

    Sebastian, yours would be funnier, you know that. You’d have some cool graphics that I am not capable of and probably some classic terms like: asshat, assclown, or and F-bomb or two. Plus it would be sphunn and stumbled to the front page in 20 minutes. That being said, I wonder what the freight is to Germany? Because if you want it, you know you could get it. :)

  5. 5 MyAvatars 0.2 On January 10th, 2008, I like refrigerators said:

    [...] in the week I took a spin at an old classic, “Bill Evans, the boy with no body” to enter a contest where Dan Perry is giving away a Google Refrigerator. My attempt [...]

  6. 6 MyAvatars 0.2 On January 10th, 2008, Shimshak Studios said:

    Forget about the Google Refrigerator.
    If you want a perfectly cooled beer… get one of these: http://beertender.usa.heineken.com/
    It even tells you when it’s getting close to being empty, so you’ll never run dry!

    *** For every person you forward this link to, Heineken will send $100.00 to you. It’s true! My sister’s husband’s niece’s daughter’s friend Billy said so! ***

  7. 7 MyAvatars 0.2 On February 6th, 2008, Swag Bag from Dan Perry | (Tamar Weinberg is a) Schwag Addict said:

    [...] Well, in case you haven’t checked out the blog announcement, Dan has chosen a winner: John Honeck. The cool thing is that John now has a refrigerator, but he’s going to give it to me [...]

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